Holidays + Toys—Do you have a choice?
This post was partially inspired by 2 separate friends who frustratingly joked about children’s toy packaging on Facebook on Christmas day. Basically they posted pictures of the ridiculous packaging on children’s toys … you know the 25 plastic zip tie things, bolts and endless cardboard and plastic? We’ve all had to deal with these I’m sure and we all hate them—so why are we buying them?
Honestly, I think only once I had to open a toy that was packaged like this that my daughter received as a gift, so I actually forgot there were a bunch of Americans dealing with this on December 25th! After that experience, I vowed to never again do it. There were also “the aftermath” pictures of the living rooms and piles of presents and wrappings thrown about. What I wanted to respond with was “You always have a choice.” and so this post was born. If people don’t support and buy these items, “they” will stop producing them. Your simple actions can influence the direction of humans. So decide what’s important for your children’s lives and live it, even if it’s different from your own childhood.
Most of these children aren’t even old enough to be asking for anything and are probably just as happy with a ribbon or wrapping paper as any toy they would receive. I’m guilty. This was my childhood, making a list for Santa and expecting everything I wanted to just magically appear under my tree. Of course, I was even mostly asking for quality items then and still have my L.L. Bean terry cloth robe from high school.
These details are for another post, but I don’t celebrate Christmas anymore. While there was a religious side to it in my Italian Catholic family (we did sing happy birthday to baby Jesus at every Seven Fishes Christmas Eve celebration)… it was still pretty present-centered. Since I’m all about simple and intentional living now, that part doesn’t really serve me anymore. My mother would make it look so picture perfect, but the amount of money spent, sugar ingested, stress endured and paper wasted makes me cringe a bit.
Last year we were at the King of Prussia mall and I let my daughter, C, (then 5) say hi to Santa. He asked her what she wanted (she didn’t know you are supposed to have something to ask for.) She got overwhelmed and didn’t have anything. Three days later she said to me excitedly, “Mom, I thought of something! A toy. Any kind of toy!” It was the sweetest, most innocent thing I had ever heard.
When C was a baby, I remember someone visiting our 840 sf, 1 bedroom open floor plan condo and remarking in amazement “Where’s all the ‘kid stuff’?”
As an artist and designer with my roots going back to Italy, I have an eye for nice, quality, handcrafted things that will be used and held on to forever (or at least more than some of the disposable items are used) and eventually passed on for someone else to use. While I love intricate designs and ornate details and history, I gravitate towards clean, minimal, beautiful and soothing things. There is nothing soothing to me about a mass-produced, cold-feeling, noise-making, eye-popping-ly bright colored and patterned toy with only one purpose or use. It just doesn’t have good energy to it.
If you watch children play with these 1 purpose toys, you’ll see when the toy is new they are interested in it, but very quickly it is forgotten about once they become bored and the toy has served its purpose. Once it’s served its purpose, it’s probably going to sit there at the bottom of the toy bin or head for a local donation bin and eventually a landfill once broken and unusable. Starting out with a very limited space forced me to very carefully choose the items and toys that I let through our front door. I wanted to choose items that would be of interest for the longest time, looked nice and ones that were made of safe and beautiful materials. Toys reinforced to me that I am a quality person and not a quantity person. I knew that if I only chose toys that would appeal to each age and stage my daughter was at, we’d continually be buying and disposing of toys, and would have an endless clutter of them building up over the years. If I chose toys that only did one thing, versus encouraged imagination and free play, we’d quickly be out of space, time and money. Basically all toys with batteries, plastic toys and anything that doesn’t foster imaginative play are out. Anything that would need to be collected is out.
One of the first toys I bought was a Haba Dream Journey Soft Plush toy. It’s currently listed on Amazon for $39.99, which yes, is a good chunk of change to pay for a toy. But it’s so nicely made and designed.It is displayed on her book shelf and it makes me happy. The company is a German company. The toy is made in China, but it’s not plastic. My daughter loved this as a baby and she is currently 6 years old and still plays imaginatively with it. Over the last 6 years I could have bought and replaced multiple toys for each age and stage, but I don’t want to do that. I’ve probably spent less money by researching and buying more expensive items. Replacing, donating and organizing requires a lot of time and energy that I just don’t have.
The cutest little toy!
I realized I had nothing to wrap the presents in, so I used some of her sewing fabric. There was no waste since I just returned it back to her fabric bin afterwards.
What my 6-year-old, C, received for Hanukkah this year:
A quality wooden yoyo
A Sarah’s Silks string came (for Cat’s cradle and anything else she can think up)
3 Molding Bee’s wax rectangles
Oven-bake clay
Wool hiking socks
The Velveteen Rabbit hard cover book
A Pogo stick (from her Grandparents)
A nature kid’s magazine subscription (from her Aunt & Uncle)
Money from her Nanny (Great Grandmother) that she is going to put towards a Digital/Polaroid camera
Items I’ll always allow in the house (within reason):
A variety of craft/art supplies
Books
Toys that encourage outdoor play
Fabric and sewing supplies
Yarn and knitting supplies
Nature
Instruments
So I’m here to tell you, no you don’t need to keep spending your hard earned dollars on cheap children’s toys. Your children will be smart and successful no matter which or how many toys they have. You are a good parent. You have permission to say no. No to the toy companies, the store sales, the family members who are gifting them to your children, no to your children themselves. If friends and family don’t listen to your request: You do not need to feel any guilt. You can say thank you and then get rid of it responsibly. You can be thankful and return it for something you need. Your value as a parent is not determined by the number of presents you buy your children. More toys don’t always equal more fun or more time the child is kept occupied. That simple string game has entertained my daughter for DAYS. A simple rainbow silk piece of fabric has become a skirt, wings, door … you name it. The possibilities are endless.
If your children keep wanting things it’s probably because a friend has one or they saw an ad in print or on TV. This year before the holidays I couldn’t believe the number of parents on my local parents group talking about Hatchimals. I feel so lucky that #1 I wouldn’t have known what a Hatchimal was if it weren’t for these parents. Some of them were seriously obsessed and stressed. #2-lucky to be trained in advertising, marketing and packaging. #3 Lucky for a Chronic illness, which led to simple living… which means I don’t have time or energy or chose to give a F*CK about the latest new craze or if my kid wants one or is getting one. They just aren’t. These disposable items are created and marketed and everyone is made to feel like there aren’t enough to go around. Did you hear about this woman?
http://www.phillyvoice.com/hatchimals-buying-binge-turns-into-familys-financial-nightmare/
You don’t need to have one. Your children don’t need one to fit in or be happy. Let them play. Let them create. Go outside. Explore. Make things. Imagine. Play with their siblings or friends. Giggle and talk to them. Your children’s success and happiness isn’t based on how many toys they have, the size of their playroom or even if they have a playroom. They’re happiness depends on the love and quality time you give them, their freedom to explore and dream and the relationships they make.
When we bought our townhouse, technically in the city limits of a large US city, the major selling point was that it is walking distance to a HUGE play room-this includes a meadow and forest with hiking and biking trails. I was okay with no basement. They kind of creep me out but also I knew the more space, the more stuff that could be cluttered into it. I don’t want a playroom. I like hanging out with my family. C usually choses to do whatever she’s getting into in the same room as me or her Dad. If we need more space, we go outside.
My message to you is: people over things. The planet over things. This is the most important lesson you can teach your children. Enjoy your short time with the people you love!
I’ll leave you with 2 crazy stats from The Minimalist’s Podcast:
-Average 10 year old has 238 toys (study was in England) and plays with only 12 toys daily.
-US children make up 3.1% of children (on Earth) but they own 40% of the toys consumed globally.
So if you love having a million different toys cluttering every space of your home… if it makes you happy to step on legos at 6am: Then just ignore everything you read and rock it! But please don’t go around complaining how much SH*T your child has and how they want more and more but don’t play with what they already have. They’re likely just imitating what they see.